The losses I have felt the most in watching Kaiah go through this are many. I have already written about many of them as I processed my feelings over this past year. Spontaneity is mostly gone. Any extra snack or treat has to be carefully measured and calculated. Her finger tips have holes all over them. Her belly has scars all over it from trying out a new device (the I-Port). Her wrist now wears , at all times, a bracelet with a dainty little butterfly, stamped with the medical symbol and Diabetes Type 1 on the back in case of emergency. She carries her little pink cammouflage bag to church, sports classes, play dates and anywhere we go. When signing her up for camp this week, it took much longer to put all the information about snacks and sugars on there. All of these things are the things that didn't used to be normal for her.
Yet, Kaiah still has such a great attitude. She accepts it and most often doesn't complain. I try not too either. But, sometimes I feel like it. I don't want to say it's not fair though. God gives us what he does for our good and he has a plan to make us more like him. I don't want to just live this beautiful life trying to make things as easy as possible for the kids. I want them to learn to rejoice in trials and to learn what God wants us to learn. And I want them to be able to find something to be thankful for in any situation. There is always something!
We went to our first Diabetic convention downtown a few months ago. There were bouncy houses, rock walls and contests for the kids, free samples, cooking demonstrations, and other fun things to do and see. There were hundreds of people there walking around like they were there for a party. I, however, looked around and saw a bunch of sick people and their families celebrating the fall. I didn't want to be there, I wasn't in the frame of mind for making the best of what we have been given. I guess there was still some denial there.
Today I feel like I'm in a better place emotionally, but I know there will be times where Kaiah and I and others will grieve yet again. It makes me more excited for heaven and our new, perfect bodies. But until then, I want to practice what I preach and find the multitudes of blessings God has given us and to always look for something to be thankful for even when I feel discouraged. Besides the diabetes, extra bag and holes in her skin, you wouldn't know there was anything different about our little girl and she is a very healthy and happy 6 year old. She's such a joy and light in our lives and we are so thankful the treatment has been so successful overall.
