Fear

I am not usually a very fearful person. I don't typically get overwhelmed with worry about certain situations. So it has been interesting to me to watch our kids, namely our oldest, get occasionally paralyzed with fear. A couple of years ago he was at the height of his fearfulness. He was afraid of skunks hiding around every corner, dogs biting him, spiders crawling all over the ceiling in his room, and especially the tide at the beach, among many other things. Those are all things to be cautious about, but the level at which he completely lost it was so sad. I wish we would have read about these next two brave people back then!

We're still reading through the Christian Heroes Then and Now. We decided to read two of the Chinese Missionaries (Hudson Taylor and Gladys A.) to the kids together. They have LOVED them and beg for more when a chapter ends. And I have to admit I almost sneaked in the kid's room once so I could read ahead myself!

We just finished Gladys Aylward's book last week. She was one amazing woman! She faced fear from, actually before her ministry began. She had felt a very strong call to China as a young adult. She attended missionary school and was told she wasn't good enough to go out on the field due to bad grades and they kicked her out.

Fear of failure.

Then when she tried to get there on her own, people mocked her and said she was under-qualified, and silly.

Fear that she heard the call wrong.

Determined that she had been called by God, she saved up the money and left for China on her own with only a name and a city where she could start work for an old missionary woman as a house maid. She went through some harrowing experiences in which she almost froze to death, was almost raped, nearly captured by communists in Russia, went for several days without food, had to trust complete strangers for her survival and more!

Fear of death.

Then when she finally got to China she found that the woman she was supposed to live with had left.

Fear of the unknown.

She followed up on rumors of where the woman may have gone and kept on searching. She didn't stop until she found the woman up in the high hills of China. As she settled in she discovered the woman was rude, the native people thought Gladys was a devil, and she felt all alone.

Fear that it had all been one big mistake.

Still, convinced God wanted her here, she did whatever she could to help, was patient while learning language skills, loved the people there even though they didn't love her, and served the old woman who was cranky and rude.

She stood up to leaders who had the power to do whatever they wanted to her, calmed prison riots, adopted neglected children, gained a prominent position in the regional government, and slowly earned the trust of the people. They grew to love her so much, they named her, in Chinese, the name that means 'woman of virtue'. She helped change the village, touched people all over the whole province, told Bible stories that lead to the conversions of hundreds... maybe thousands. The overwhelming theme of Gladys' life seemed to be overcoming fear in light of the confidence of her call.

Thinking of her fearlessness reminded me of an experience we had this summer with Mason. He had been so afraid of the tide washing over us that whenever we went to the beach, he would stay as close as possible to the highest ground available. When he was 4 and 5, there was no reasoning with him... he was so paralyzed often going into hysterics over the possibility of death and drowning. The last few years he had been able to hold it together a little more, trying to be respectful of the rest of the family's fun, but still not wanting to get anywhere near the pulse of the waves. But this spring he opened himself up to the possiblity. We were at Oceanside and near a little pool of water that was quickly filling deeper and deeper as the tide came in. He watched from a distance for quite some time as Kaiah and I jumped over the small waves and admired the colorful starfish that were left exposed when the tide rolled back out again.

After observing for a while and seeing that we were in fact both living and having a lot of fun, he went for it... He put his boots in the very edge of the tide just as it slowed to a stop! He even appeared to like it...
Then in August this summer, after overcoming the getting boots wet test, he really went for it! I'll never forget the look on his face.

First cautious,
then contemplative,
pondering the possibility,
and finally he decided to join his sister!
He jumped and jumped and ran in and out and had the best time!





And when we were walking back to the blanket he looked up and said to me with great relief in his voice, "Mom, I'm not afraid anymore."
Dear Jesus,

Thank you for helping Mason to conquer his fear of the tide and thank you for people like Gladys Aylward who have lived their lives in such a way that encourages us to face our fears knowing that if you have called us to do something scary, you will never leave us and that you can bring about a result far greater than anything we could have imagined. Please give me that kind of faith.

Amen.