I have been stirred recently to say "no" less often. And to start saying "yes."
I want things to be orderly, to catch up on laundry before another mess is made, or to just rest after a hectic day of school and discipline and busyness.
But I have been noticing myself saying too many "not today"s and "maybe later"s. I don't like that about myself. Because, actually, it's not that hard to say "yes" when I'm honest with myself.
Yes, there are times when we need to get other stuff done, but not as often as I tell myself that.
So, when Cliff asks if we can go to the beach... again...
(making another load of dirty towels and meaning another round of showers and baths), I've been trying to lay aside my desires for clean and order and just say yes.
And when I'm there, instead of just hanging out watching, I try to get in and get messy and make memories... and have fun... with them.
Instead of reading on the chair next to the pool, I throw a football to the boys,
and watch the kids learn how to swim and look them in the eye the whole time they are talking about something new and exciting in their little lives.
I've recently been reminded that they are only young for a short while and they won't always be here and nothing is guaranteed.
I'm trying to reorganize my priorities and to live in the moment.
Really live.
I have a long way to go. I know more can be done to organize the home and menu and budget to do my job more efficiently so it's not so difficult to do all of this exploring and learning and living. And if you ask my kids, I still don't get in the pool enough with them or swim with often enough in the ocean, but I'm trying.
I see the need to change this about myself. And I want them to remember me as a hands-on mom who looked them in the eye while they were talking.
I want to rejoice with them that they just built a really cool fort or did a flip or learned whatever new skill.... and mean it.
Because they are precious kids,
and a doting husband,
and I need to not take them for granted and miss all of the wonder and fun in their lives for the chance to fold some more laundry or have a clean kitchen counter.
For the past year a friend has been fighting cancer. A young friend.... with 5 small kids. And now there is nothing left to do. No more treatments to try. She most likely has a few weeks left. She is a very involved mom who loves her husband and kids fiercely. The children will have family and friends to remind them how much she treasured them. She has really lived as she has loved them.
She'll most likely soon be gone. But her legacy will live on. And she has inspired me to start living more and saying "yes" more often as well.
