Unkind Comments

 I read a blog post the other day that was so good I feel like it needs to be passed along. It was written by a woman who is pregnant with her 8th child. And even though I only have four, I have received some of these as well. She walks through the thought process of how to respond to people who are rude and nosy, or to people who may just be curious and not know what to say.

I went to a wedding a few months ago filled with people who had never heard of "our kind." :) One guy just kept saying, "Huh!" With his eyes wide open and his hand swirling a glass of wine, as he heard me answer question after question.

"Why did you decide to have 4 kids?"

"Isn't that a lot of work?"

"One of them is adopted?"

"You homeschool?"

"So you're not working anymore?"

That guy was young, single, carefree and living in his own little dream world. :) He wasn't rude, just really curious... and I was actually enjoying imagining what he was only thinking about us.

I've had people who were not as kind before also. A lady in the doctors office one day said, as she was leading us back to the room, "Wow. You look like you have your hands full. I don't envy you!" I have to admit, I did what Michelle from My Blessed Home said not to do. I responded something like, "Well, you should, because they are a joy and a blessing and I love all of them so much." I could have handled that differently.

Another time, when an older woman at our church found out we were going to adopt, she said, "What's wrong with your husband? Can't he have any more natural children?" She thought the whole idea was ridiculous. She shook her head as she walked away saying, "I just don't understand!" That time I just kept quiet. She didn't understand the blessing of adding a child from a different birth mother.

I could have used a few of these suggestions in these situations. I appreciate her heart for evangelism. And I have several friends with 4 or more kids who regularly endure these comments with grace... God has called us all to different things, adoption or not, large or small families, certain ways of dress, and countless other things that make us unique. I know I've been on the offending side before and I appreciate the grace given to me from other people who could have given a sharp reply.

Here is her list:

1. Expect it.

2. Don't believe it.

3. Look beyond your own feelings and into the heart of the other person.

4. Resist the temptation to respond with a sarcastic answer.

5. Remember the number one reason you either wanted a large family, chose to adopt, etc... and try to convey that to them in your response.

Check out the whole post for a really good and encouraging read.